Leaving An Abusive Relationship

Rick Hamada
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Wednesday - August 02, 2006

The recent spate of reports on domestic violence against women is appalling.

One of my immediate reactions focuses on the decisions women - and men - make about relationships. I understand relationships that develop between a man and a woman. But I am hopeful there is more discretion when sharing a bed with someone segues into sharing a home together. If there are children or other family members in the house, the decision to invite that boyfriend or girlfriend to become a live-in must not be taken lightly.

Clearly, it is impossible to know everything about someone. But adults must make adult decisions. It is incomprehensible to me that a woman will remain with or take back a man who hits her. If a man strikes a woman, even once, out of anger, frustration or any other excuse, that is a relationship deal breaker.


What else do you need to know that this situation is inexcusable?

It seems to be a common recipe in these most violent of domestic abuse cases. A relationship sours, there is a beating, a Temporary Restraining Order (TRO) is obtained, there is some kind of reconciliation, yet the violence escalates. Invariably, the tragic murder of a woman in an abusive relationship is the lead story on the evening news. What a disturbing case of deja vu.

Ladies, let me share a man’s point of view about men who hit women.

Bottom line: They are cowards. Yellow-bellied cowards.

A man who hits or abuses a woman is exerting perceived authority and dominion over his victim. He is such a weak and pathetic excuse for a man who needs to terrorize a woman to feed his ego and repair his self-esteem. The domestic abuser is the adult schoolyard bully. They sure are effective when beating up the weak and defenseless, but put them in a situation where there is the possibility of retaliation, and they will slink away under the rock from which they came.

If you are being subjected to physical or mental abuse, you absolutely must do everything in your power to get out of that relationship. I know it sounds easier than it is. I understand there may be loyalty, and even love, which tempers an abused woman to leave. There are other sinister forces at work. Men will use threats, intimidation and amplified violence to keep women under their power. Perhaps women simply believe there is nowhere to turn.


Living in fear with the possibility of brutalization and perhaps death is no life. If you have children in an abusive household, you must do everything in your power to protect these innocent lives. If you are not willing to give up the abuse for yourself, you are required to do so for your children.

If you are in an abusive relationship, do not become a headline or statistic. Leave. Whatever it takes, leave. If you have children, take them and leave. If you cannot, call someone to help you until you can. It’s your life and the lives of your children. Don’t lose them.

The Domestic Violence Clearinghouse is an excellent organization dedicating their professional lives to helping women in difficult situations. The telephone number is 531-3771. If you are in a threatening situation, please call this number.

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