Minor League Baseball Terrorists

Steve Murray
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Wednesday - October 18, 2006
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With a nation at war and evil chasing teenage pages around every corner on K Street, the Pentagon is not about to let some backward country smuggle in smartly concealed terrorists who are hell bent on ensuring our biggest secrets go the way of the Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe.

In an Aug. 29 address to airmen at U.S. Stratcom Headquarters in Omaha, Neb., vice president Dick Cheney told his audience, “Men who despise freedom will attack freedom in any part of the world - and so the responsible nations have a duty to stay on the offensive, together, to remove this threat.”

The Department of the Defense got the message and it’s being taken seriously along the Potomac. And as with the hunt to flush out communists hidden in apple pie 1950s America, you’d be surprised to learn how embedded the enemy can be.


Kim Gore, a 51-year-old logistician with the U.S. Army, is apparently having her job “reviewed” because of her association with young foreign nationals who may pose a threat to national security. According to an article in the Washington Post, Ms. Gore has had her workload altered, her security clearance reduced and her ability to work from home taken away.

In the article, Ms. Gore said, “I am outraged and I’m indignant, but I’m also scared.”

She should be. If she and her ilk are allowed to aide and abet these men who have brazenly come ashore with the sole purpose of infiltrating great American institutions, our nation may soon be in danger of becoming awash with quality hitting and much needed relief pitching.

Gore, like other residents in the area, has for years opened her home to foreign ball players on the Potomac Nationals baseball team without any problem. Now in a world ripe with suspicion and idiocy, the practice that Gore called “fun because I got to learn about other cultures ... (and) got a chance to show them what the average, everyday American is like” may now be considered suspect.

Gore had been flying under the radar for three years until her local newspaper, the Potomac News, published a story about her and other families who offered up their homes. Six days later she was in front of her bosses trying to explain how she could be sure that these men from the al Qaida hotspots of Venezuela, the Netherlands Antilles and the Dominican Republic weren’t looking over her shoulder as she worked. Seriously, that was one of the questions posed to her.

Gore has worked for the DoD for 33 years and has been praised for her integrity and professionalism in performance evaluations. She is battling breast cancer and is concerned that if she loses her security clearance, it may make it difficult for her to continue to work for the federal government. A regular Mata Hari.

As bizarre as all this seems, the government may actually be on to something. There could be more to this investigation than an over-zealous Big Brother. Many of these “athletes” are masters of deception. They steal signs and bases, secretly stash congealed liquids in their clothing for the sole purpose of taking advantage of innocent American-born hitters, and even communicate in some strange language that utilizes bizarre hand motions in place of spoken words.


And while it may seem reassuring that the Nationals’ uniforms are red, white and blue, it should be noted that two of those very same colors represent 40 percent of the system used by the Department of Homeland Security to warn us of potential terror.

About the whole incident, the woman in question said, “I would never jeopardize myself, my kids, my job, my community or my nation.”

Whether you know it or not, Ms. Gore, you may just have and it’s too late for apologies. As the president said, “You can’t take the high horse and take the low road.”

Indeed.

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