Resolutions For Favre, Wie, Etc.
Wednesday - January 14, 2009
No one embraces the cliché more than the scrambled, post-holiday columnist. So here we go with New Year’s resolutions No. 674-683 for Hawaii and beyond.
The promise for 2010 is originality or at least a confusing litany of outrageous irregular verbs and stunted wordplay.
Resolve to finally put on the high polyester pants of retirement. For the last few years, Favre has gone into the post season with the veiled false promise to end his Hall of Fame run, and each year he has returned to save the NFL from the embarrassment of respectable quarterback play.
Well, no more. After suffering the indignation of being shown the door in Green Bay and after rescuing the Jets from the playoffs, Favre is done. His initial run of completed passes and an 8-3 record concluded with two touchdowns, nine interceptions and the alienation of his team-mates. Now he’s saying he’ll take a few weeks to decide. The Jets should do it for him.
Resolve not to do business as usual. With the recent promotions of Martin Mayhew to GM and Tom Lewand to president - two of owner William Clay Ford’s under-performing inner circle for more than a decade - that is unlikely to happen. With just one playoff win in 50 years and with fans in revolt, Ford needed to set explosive charges to the superstructure, clear the pile of rubble and start anew. As of now he’s done nothing but prove himself to be completely out of touch, safe in his ivory tower of privilege, blissfully unaware that he is the league’s most inept owner. Don’t expect an actual move to decency for another decade.
Resolve to limit turnovers. With no consistent point guard, this promise for a better 2009 will be akin to the annual weight loss promise. Kareem Nitoto has not grown into the role of controlling the offense, and while Hiram Thompson is not much of an on-ball defender, he knows not to dribble into a double team of large post players. Thompson’s health is a concern, as he’s missed five games due to injury and started only four. The Rainbows are improving their outside shooting and are developing good chemistry in the post, but the turnovers are wasting the offensive effort and the fine work on the boards.
Resolve to not go too fast. After years of stubbornly trying to blaze an unproven and, ultimately, wasteful path, Wie has finally “earned” her entrance into the ranks of professional golf and has silenced some of her critics. Now she needs to forget her 3.14-inthe-sky dreams of PGA domination and play a manageable schedule that will help develop her game and finally create a dossier of victories from which she can draw upon for future challenges.
Call me crazy but it worked for Jack, Arnie, Tiger and Annika.
Resolve not to shoot itself in the foot. The 2009 Winter Classic at Wrigley Field between original-six members Chicago Blackhawks and Detroit Red Wings was a great event for attendees and players, and was mostly ignored by the television public. Playing in front of 40,000 fans is a fun gimmick that could help sell the sport, but putting it on New Year’s Day against a full schedule of college football bowl games is just a wasted opportunity.
Both NBC and the NHL were happy with the 12 percent ratings increase over 2008, but even with that bump, the number still topped out at an unimpressive 2.9.
Las Vegas Resolve to build bigger, taller and longer buildings for Robbie Maddison to jump. If you haven’t seen the Australian dare-devil’s leap onto the Arc de Triomphe at the Paris Las Vegas, go to YouTube right now! The motocross rider who last year broke Evil Knievel’s long-distance mark by soaring 322 feet, 7.5 inches jumped his Honda from the Vegas Strip straight up 94 feet to land softly on the copy of the famed Parisian landmark. His 40-some-foot drop off the tower to the ramp below was even more crazy.
Resolve to implement a college football playoff system. This isn’t about to happen anytime soon, but with an undefeated Utah banned from any real shot at a true national title, BSC haters everywhere got more fuel for their ire. Not that the major conferences give a damn. Utah attorney general Mark Shurtleff believes the BCS violates anti-trust laws and is investigating. No doubt he has Neil Abercrombie on speed dial.
Resolve to make better decisions. If the tabs have it correct, the former Wahine volleyball player is into her Beverly Hills landlord for six months rent.
This isn’t nearly as bad as allegedly hooking up with Britney Spears’ baby daddy and Nationwide’s day-dreaming french fry technician, Kevin Federline.
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