The ‘Footbrawl’ Guy Arrives At UH
Wednesday - April 06, 2005
So Jerry Glanville is the Warriors’ choice. The second most famous man in black joins the man in green, white, black and silver. No doubt the folks at Hilo Hattie are drooling over the possibilities. Aloha shirts of every imaginable color. Cowboy hats on some, Harley Davidsons on the others, maybe a dark-haired wahine swaying before Diamond Head with the words “Tricks are nice for Halloween, but we would rather break your nose” floating about in subtle hues over the islands like the sounds of Kalapana. Oh yes, the stuff of dreams.
Admit it. You’re dying to hear Jerry talk about Abu Maafala, Timo Paepule and Kila Kamakawiwoole, all filtered through his Yankee by birth, rebel by choice drawl.
This guy is as much a sound bite as he is a coach. How this hire will affect the season remains to be seen, but no team will be more quotable with Glanville and Mouse Davis leading the way. In his book, The Dark Side of the Game: My Life in the NFL, Falcon defender Tim Green calls Glanville “a taste of curry pepper when compared to many NFL coaching personalities, which are more reminiscent of overboiled noodles.” And we all know what its like when the ramen or udon is left in the broth too long.
This is exactly what this team needs. Some spark. Some energy. Some color. OK, one color.
Come on, this guy had a video game named for him. Jerry Glanville’s Pigskin Footbrawl. Not sure what inspiration the Warriors can get from the game, but who knows? In Footbrawl, two teams, one red, one blue, battle against each other. Both sides have one armored player which can kill any unarmored opponent with spears, swords and anything else that’s lying around. The NCAA may frown on such things, but those in attendance would enjoy the game’s empowerment. See, if the home team is down by a big margin at the half, the fans can call for a troll — probably dressed in black and mumbling, “NFL stands for not for long when you play like that” — to cause mayhem on the field.
Fallen opponents and overzealous fans may be of some concern, but the Bad Attitude mode of play should be popular among his defensive charges. Just flip the switch and the Warriors are immediately taken back to the days of Tomey and Wags. A time of big hits and stifled offenses. The house of pain revisited, with a little side of aloha.
Of course, questions do remain. Will the Grits Blitz be traded in for the Poi Push? Can he bring NFL success to the college game? Will there be enough spotlights to go around? If things don’t work out, will Glanville be forced into a reunion with his former broadcasting pal Jim Ross, and if that happens will ole JR decide he prefers his WWE cohorts in colorful spandex to someone in mono-colored polyester? He might. Who knows?
What we do know is that UH needed someone. No matter the talent of the offense, being 116 out of 117 on the defensive side of the ball just doesn’t cut it. Glanville made a name for himself by turning around defenses, and the Warriors’ offense is going to need all the help it can get with the loss of nearly everyone who mattered.
Glanville will make the defense better. How long he will stay is another matter.
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