A Klutz, Romance And It’s A Gas
Wednesday - September 27, 2006
The klutz in me: Every now and then I go through a phase where I become a total klutz. I’d say it happens every few weeks, but incidents occur in eerie proximity to one another.
I’ll be walking along just fine for days and then, suddenly, I whack my ankle on the bathroom cabinet, bruise my okole on a table as I am picking up Pono, the wiener dog, and cut my finger on a knife while making dinner.
“What happened to you?” my friend Patrick asked me the other day after he noticed me hobbling from the car to the restaurant where we were eating.
“Oh, I bruised my ankle,” I said, carefully sitting down on the chair.
“And why are you sitting balanced on one cheek?” Patrick laughed.
“Um ... because I bruised my okole too,” I whispered, trying not to draw attention.
“Anything else?” Patrick joked. “You’re so clumsy!”
“Yes,” I snipped. “I cut my finger too, and it’s really not funny.”
I sat pouting in my seat for the next few minutes as Patrick got a good laugh from my unfortunate mishaps among the world of the coordinated.
Usually, I feel able to overcome the obstacles of life (the literal ones). So it was disturbing that every few weeks I’d have to break out the box of Band-aids and limp around the house.
Curious about this seemingly cosmic turn of events, I consulted the Internet to see if I could figure out what was wrong with me.
At the site wrongdiagnosis.com, I found some possible causes for my clumsiness.
Among the less serious choices listed were:
3) Premenstrual syndrome
I think we can pretty much rule out No. 4, and No. 1 and No. 2 could possibly be a cause. But I’m most interested in choice No. 3 - the reason being that my clumsiness mysteriously appears about once a month. The timing seemed uncanny.
I have yet to seek a professional medical diagnosis, so for now I think I’ll just monitor my monthly bumps and bruises and hope that the klutz in me doesn’t get the best of me.
* Dispelling a myth: A couple of weeks ago I sought the professional opinions of Dr. Tom Merrill and his wife, Bobbie Sandoz-Merrill in The Young View column titled, Why Threats and Love Don’t Mix. They touched on a topic in that article I wanted to address again:
Is it natural for romance to fade? I see so many couples who become complacent in their relationships and figure that putting effort into romancing their partner is only something they need to do in the courtship stage of the relationship.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. “Being in love is a wonderful state so why kill it with a rapid decline in civility?” say the Merrills in a column on their website, www.settleformore.com, about marriage myths. “Believing love will fade causes us to be careless in our interactions and contributes to making this prediction come true. It is a very dangerous cultural assumption.”
I agree with them completely. If you’re the type who only likes to make those grand efforts at first, you are creating a false perception of your true self. So it’s no wonder your partner later complains, “Well, you used to be so romantic.”
Who says romance is only to woo your partner in the beginning? I’d much rather have a relationship where romance continues to blossom. So put in the effort to make your partner feel special - all the time. Believe your love will only get better with time.
* Guys and gas: Will someone please explain to me why some men find bodily functions so darn funny?
For the life of me, I cannot figure this one out. I’ve seen men from their 20s to their 70s giggling like little boys anytime they (or anyone else around them or on TV) lets one rip.
Is it because being gross is funny? Does it show some kind of manly prowess? Because it bothers women so much? Because it sounds weird? Or is this simply “a guy thing” I will never understand?
If you have the answer, write me and let me know what I’m missing!
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