Five Things About The Other Sex
Wednesday - January 16, 2008
Aren’t there times when you just wish your husband or boyfriend would know (or remember, for that matter) something about what you want as a woman? I’m sure there are times he wishes the same. Trying to figure out what the opposite sex is thinking is a mind strain, to say the least, but something well worth the effort, I believe.
And since most of us are not mind readers, it might help to have some guidelines to refer to. Here, courtesy of Dr. Mitzi Gold, director of the Mars & Venus Counseling Center of Hawaii, are five things women and men both wish the other sex knew about them:
1) Women want men to listen to them without trying to fix them or solve their problems. “Women want men to be empathetic to what we are going through in our lives and to support us when we share,” says Gold. “We want men to know that when we talk about our problems, even if we can’t solve them, that we feel better because at least we’re talking about them.”
2) We women need to feel that we are No. 1 in our partner’s life - that we are special, cherished, respected and that he understands us.
3) We want men to know that most of us love to be caressed all over. Women love to be kissed, hugged, caressed and stroked lovingly, not patted or petted. Just come up and hug us without being asked, says Gold.
4) We want men to know that when a man gets angry at us we are afraid. Testosterone is more powerful than estrogen, and a man’s anger is more powerful than a woman’s, even if we are very strong and courageous, says Gold.
5) We give a lot of points if a man takes the initiative and plans a special event or trip. “Whenever we tell one of our friends about it, our partner gets a point even before the event takes place.”
For the men:
1) Men want women to be happy. “When men are mature and really love a woman, they want her to be happy and will try to please her,” says Gold. “This doesn’t mean women have to fake being happy, but if they can interpret their man’s actions, efforts and intentions that they want her to be happy, hopefully they will experience his love and caring for her.”
2) Men need constant appreciation. Gold says that a simple thank you (or a small parade) will acknowledge he has made a difference in a woman’s life. “By showing genuine appreciation for the things that he does for her, it allows her to receive what he does, and this keeps her heart open to him.”
Showing appreciation to a man also lets him know what a woman likes. Whatever she reinforces positively he will likely do more of.
3) When a man loves you, he loves your body too. Women have a hard time believing that their bodies are acceptable to a man because of the high societal standards we have that define what is beautiful, says Gold. But when a man loves you, know that he loves you the way you are. Next time he gives you a compliment, accept it and believe it!
4) Men dislike “unsolicited advice.” If he wants your advice he will ask for it, says Gold. Don’t tell him what to do unless he asks. Even if you think he needs your advice, don’t offer it. It will make him feel like you’re his mother.
5) Men dislike women from the “Home Improvement Committee.” Men like to be accepted for who they are, and women tend to want to improve on him. “If women want to improve something, they should focus on themselves and make improvements there,” says Gold. “If you want to improve your partner, consider a long-term approach with lots of positive reinforcement.”
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