Time Racing, Okole Jiggling, Etc.
Wednesday - April 26, 2006
I’m back just in time for an April hodgepodge! And trust me, I’m in a pretty “hodgepodge” state of mind right now.
Where does the time go?
There were a lot of ways I passed the time in the last three months. You’d think I’d sleep in, right? Laze about watching TV until I dragged myself out of bed around noon? Wrong.
Every morning, even on the weekends, I’d be up before 8 a.m. It was mostly because Mr. Pono, the wiener dog, would slap me awake with his front foot when he was ready for breakfast.
But no matter what I tried, I just couldn’t sleep, even when Mr. P decided to take his breakfast late. At first, it was because it was too painful to sleep; I couldn’t find a comfortable position for my neck. Then it was because I was so stressed out my mind couldn’t relax enough to get some REM.
The days went by surprisingly fast, which surprised me because it’s not like I was having any fun.
Wake up, stretch, heat my neck, ice my neck. Head to physical therapy (or a doctor’s appointment), eat lunch, stretch again, heat again, ice again. Watch some Food Network reclined at 45 degrees in my chair, stretch, heat and ice again. By this time it was dinner. A little more TV, a little more ice and stretching. Then sleep.
And so the days came and went. I didn’t go to the beach (even if it hadn’t been raining), I could-n’t go to the gym. I couldn’t surf the Net or check my e-mail because I couldn’t sit up at the computer. I couldn’t even throw the ball for Mr. P.
I did, however, find certain things to mildly amuse myself, worried I’d get depressed from sheer boredom.
* I found that having a staring contest with your dog can be pretty funny. (Mr. Pono almost always blinks first.)
* You can pass a lot of time after breakfast just thinking about what you’re going to eat for lunch.
* A drive to Kailua to see your acupuncturist can be exhilarating, especially if you hardly get out of the house.
* It’s fun to daydream. You can make lots of plans for your life in your head even when you have no idea when you’ll be able to get up out of the chair and make them happen.
* You can rearrange your underwear drawer exactly five times, your jewelry box three times and your sock pile once - before it becomes un-fun. You can also only unfold and fold your “fat” and “thin” jeans a few times before you realize you don’t really have a place to wear either right now.
Some girlfriends and I were talking the other day about ... well ... men and some of their strange behaviors.
Amy was talking about her long-term boyfriend and how he liked to come up behind her as she was lying on the ground watching TV and use his hand to vigorously shake one cheek of her derriere.
“He walks away and I still feel it jiggling!” Amy complained. “It makes me feel like he’s teasing my fat.”
Another friend, Lisa, was also complaining that her significant other would walk past her and give a firm slap to her okole as if she had just scored a touch-down.
“I’m not sure if I should be offended by it,” Lisa wondered.
Our friend Jack, who was the only male involved in this conversation, was just sitting there laughing at us.
“Why are you laughing?” Amy asked.
“Because,” Jack said, “you girls just don’t get it.”
Jack went on to explain that we women were being too sensitive to the situation, as usual. Amy’s man wasn’t trying to secretly tell her she’s fat and Lisa’s beau wasn’t trying to disrespect her.
“It’s just a man’s joyous celebration of okole,” Jack said. “And it means he likes that part of you. You girls should be more worried the day he stops wanting to touch you.”
After some thought, we all agreed to change the way we viewed these encounters, determining that the guys weren’t trying to be cheeky - they were just trying to applaud them.
A while back, my friend Dina started seeing a psychologist at the prodding of her girlfriends. At first she resisted, thinking we were ganging up on her and labeling her “nuts.”
But after a month of treatment, Dina was starting to feel better.
“I feel empowered!” she’d tell us over lunch get-togethers. “The psychologist is really helping me deal with my issues!”
Dina’s family was equally happy she was feeling so strong, until Dina suggested that both her parents needed to see a psychologist as well.
“Our family is dysfunctional,” Dina blurted out one night at dinner. “And my psychologist thinks you all need to get help.”
Well, talk about a smack in the face! Dina’s parents were offended that this psychologist was placing all kinds of blame on them.
But here’s where the conversation went wrong: Dina, in her all-too-direct way, had labeled her family “dysfunctional’for lack of a better term. What she meant to say was, “We could all improve our communication so we can resolve some of the issues our family faces.”
Because, in reality, no one is perfect. We all do the best we can with our families and our other relationships. When we fall short, we need to work harder. And if that’s dysfunction, then we’re probably all a little bit dysfunctional.
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