Tips For Keeping A Guy Interested
Wednesday - February 04, 2009
You may be turning your man away without even realizing it. Take my friend Leeza, for example.
“Why can’t I seem to hold on to a man for longer than two months?” she asked in exasperation. “I can’t figure it out.”
“Well, let’s examine what you might be doing wrong,” her friend Sarah said.
Many women do what just comes naturally for them, of course, when dating a new man. They are completely open and doting.
We act that way mostly because that’s how we want the man we’re dating to act toward us. Those behaviors, however, can have the opposite effect on some guys.
The “dating” part of a new relationship is a game that you have to play well to succeed at. Most of the women I know hate playing games but the reality is, I think, that you have to know the little subtleties of attraction so you can keep things moving in a positive direction.
Do too much to aggravate your man in the beginning and he may stop wanting to play the dating game altogether.
So here we were sitting around a table drinking coffee, trying to piece together the puzzle of the man’s brain when it comes to dating.
Even intelligent women, it seems, cannot easily guess what might be major turnoffs for a man. What we really needed was a man’s take on the world of dating.
According to Thomas Cummings, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in private practice in Kailua, there are a whole host of behaviors that women can do that will make a man think twice about continuing a courtship.
“First of all, don’t talk about your ex-boyfriends too much,” says Cummings, a former president of the Hawaii Psychological Association. “This tells a man that the woman doesn’t have the ability to use discretion. A guy doesn’t want to hear about your ex-boyfriends when you’re getting to know each other.”
Cummings also says women should avoid talking about their father too much, whether the comments are good or bad.
“The guy will either think he can never measure up to the woman’s father or that she has daddy issues,” he explains. “His radar will start to beep and he’ll head for the door.”
Sometimes finding the right things to do can be a bit of a balancing act. Cummings says women shouldn’t be too critical or negative, because that’s a downer. However, they also shouldn’t act like a “Pollyanna,” because it will make them seem shallow or like an air-head.
Cummings also says to avoid wearing too much perfume or make-up because it makes a man wonder what the woman is trying to cover up.
Certain behaviors could also apply to men as well as women in the dating game.
“Don’t talk on the cell phone too much or be constantly texting during your date,” says Cummings. “Also, make sure you don’t monopolize the conversation and stay away from using too much foul language.”
It’s also very important to watch how the person treats other people, he says. If you’re out at dinner, is your date polite and pleasant to the wait help?
“In addition, if the woman doesn’t smile or has poor eye contact during the date or if her mood appears strange, that might be a turn off as well,” says Cummings. “Does she laugh when you’re talking about something funny or look sad when you’re talking about something sad? This is a sign of a socially adjusted, sensitive, aware person.”
Women should also remember to stay away from in-his-face flirting with other men, too much catty chatter or appearing to be too high maintenance.
If this sounds like too many rules and you’re thinking you’d be better off getting a puppy, don’t be discouraged. Just realize that what might seem like a good idea in your mind might set off warning signals for the opposite sex, so it’s wise to think twice before you do or say something you might regret.
When it comes down to it, however, women shouldn’t feel they have to be perfect, says Cummings. There’s plenty women do that make a man feel just great as well.
People are nervous when they’re dating so it might be good practice on both sides to give a bad first date another chance.
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