A Problem With Fast Foods

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Wednesday - August 22, 2007

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Ron Nagasawa is on vacation. This column originally ran June 7, 2000.

On a daily basis I must spend a total time of two hours driving around in my truck. That’s to and from work in traffic plus all the other little errands I have to do in the course of my day.

I figured out a long time ago that I could make better use of that time, which, of course, is limited to what I could do safely and within the confines of my “wheels.” About the only thing that qualifies within those parameters is for me to eat and consume beverages.

Actually, doing that in your car requires a lot more skill than you think. The trick is in how to have a five-course meal on the road without spilling anything on your clothes.

The reason for that depends on your destination. If I’m picking up fast food for the family and can’t resist sampling some of the morsels before I reach home, those telltale oil stains on my shirt from french fries or crispy won ton are dead giveaways.

If I’m heading to work, I have to be extra careful not to soil my clothes or risk showing up at our 8 a.m. production meeting looking like I came from a food fight. After much practice, I’m quite skilled at avoiding food spillage with the exception of one item.

I cannot seem to drink hot coffee in my truck without spilling it on myself. The other morning I hit a pothole and nearly half my cup of coffee erupted from the spout of the coffee cup lid.

The liquid missed my shirt and tie and went straight down to the area of my car seat where my legs come together to form a “V.” Following the path of least resistance the coffee flowed backwards, soaking the seat of my trousers and underwear.

When I reached work, I was worried that the seat of my pants would be stained brown from the coffee. Luckily, I wore black pants that day and no one had a clue that I’m a total slob.

A couple days later my wife was sorting the laundry and came upon my underwear on which the coffee stain was totally obvious. Knowing fully well what it was, she decided to tease me by holding it up and asking what happened.

Not wanting to succumb to her, I replied, “I asked for a raise again.”