Coconut Wireless

Ron Nagasawa
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Wednesday - December 16, 2009
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The other week, my wife handed me the inside shell of a coconut which was cut into two halves. She explained that I needed to drill a couple of holes where she marked it for our 12-year-old daughter. I figured it was for some kind of school project.

I took it out to my tool shop, otherwise known as our garage, and made the holes with my trusty cordless drill. Proud of my work, I took them back in to my wife and as I handed them to her asked what it was for. She mumbled, “They’re for your daughter’s coconut bra.”

I replied loudly, “Excuse me?” She then explained that they were for our daughter to wear as part of her Tahitian dance costume for an upcoming Christmas performance her hula troupe was going to do. I demanded a detailed explanation of how this particular part of the costume would be used.


 

My wife, now getting irritated, explained, “They are for her coconut bra. I’m going to thread shoestring through the holes you made so that she can tie them on.”

My first thought was that those shells were hardly going to cover anything.

In the eyes of a father, they mentally went from coconut-sized down to walnut shell-sized. I also questioned the integrity of support from a flimsy shoestring. I tried to negotiate with my wife and daughter. “Can’t you wear a T-shirt under it?” I started getting desperate.

“What about if you guys did a Tahitian dance on Christmas around the world? That way you can do an Eskimo version and wear a heavy parka instead of these dumb coconuts.”

Our daughter just rolled her eyes and motioned for my wife to handle it with me.

On the day of the performance, I offered to Krazy Glue the knot on the coconut bra to ensure it would not come undone. My wife ordered me to join the audience and watch the performance. As I stood in the crowd I noticed two young guys setting up a video camera.

I looked at them and imposed, “What do you think you’re doing?” Well, the performance went without incident and the Christmas spirit was instilled in all. But having a preteen daughter is going to drive me coconuts.

Ron’s WEBSITE of the week www.tonic.com

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