Kept In The Dark

Ron Nagasawa
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Wednesday - April 06, 2005
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Ron Nagasawa is on vacation. This column was previously published March 5, 1997.

What do I have in common with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Tom Cruise? Nothing, except that I secretly believed I looked like them whenever I donned the same type of sunglasses they wore in the movies.

Whether it was the Terminator gargoyle-type or the Jerry Maguire wraparounds, the old male ego had me convinced that people just might confuse me with these megastars if I wore the same shades.

Never mind the fact that I can’t see a darned thing when I have them on — the key is to wear them with attitude. At least attitude is what I had in mind when I went to pick-up my 7-year-old son after school one day.

I figured the kids would get a kick out of seeing a Tom Cruise look-alike dad pick up one of their classmates. Of course, I didn’t count on the near-blindness factor to make me look more like George Costanza from Seinfeld.

The first clue should have been when I tripped over a Hello Kitty backpack on the stairwell. Still, I recovered quick enough and proceeded to a table where my son was sitting with a group of his parochial school friends.

I grabbed his hand and was five steps short of exiting the area when I discovered I had the wrong kid. The way I see it, wearing dark glasses with the wrong kid in tow had me five steps short of what most people consider to be a class- A felony.

The kid did comment that I looked like Elvis Presley, but then I realized he wasn’t old enough to be talking about the young, skinny Elvis.

I guess cool shades are to men what high heels are to women. They can make you look pretty good, but in the end it’ll practically kill you to wear them.


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