Kept In The Dark

Ron Nagasawa
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Wednesday - April 06, 2005
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Ron Nagasawa is on vacation. This column was previously published March 5, 1997.

What do I have in common with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Tom Cruise? Nothing, except that I secretly believed I looked like them whenever I donned the same type of sunglasses they wore in the movies.

Whether it was the Terminator gargoyle-type or the Jerry Maguire wraparounds, the old male ego had me convinced that people just might confuse me with these megastars if I wore the same shades.


Never mind the fact that I can’t see a darned thing when I have them on — the key is to wear them with attitude. At least attitude is what I had in mind when I went to pick-up my 7-year-old son after school one day.

I figured the kids would get a kick out of seeing a Tom Cruise look-alike dad pick up one of their classmates. Of course, I didn’t count on the near-blindness factor to make me look more like George Costanza from Seinfeld.

The first clue should have been when I tripped over a Hello Kitty backpack on the stairwell. Still, I recovered quick enough and proceeded to a table where my son was sitting with a group of his parochial school friends.

I grabbed his hand and was five steps short of exiting the area when I discovered I had the wrong kid. The way I see it, wearing dark glasses with the wrong kid in tow had me five steps short of what most people consider to be a class- A felony.

The kid did comment that I looked like Elvis Presley, but then I realized he wasn’t old enough to be talking about the young, skinny Elvis.

I guess cool shades are to men what high heels are to women. They can make you look pretty good, but in the end it’ll practically kill you to wear them.

Ron’s WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

www.snopes.com

This site gets to the bottom of urban legends and offers the hottest 25 legends, a scam report, and an extensive list of categories including autos, business, computers, crime, Disney, food, history, medical, quotes, sports and many more.

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