Sucking It In

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Wednesday - April 14, 2010

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Let me be absolutely clear here. The only woman that I will remove any of my clothing for is my wife. Not that there’s any kind of demand for me to do it for anyone else. In fact, sometimes I think even my wife doesn’t want me to do it even for her.

I’m pretty realistic about my body image. God knows I’ve tried, but since I was a kid it’s been a work in progress. I give a lot of credit to those The Biggest Loser contestants who will put it all out there for millions of viewers.

Anyway, last week I was scheduled for an Xray and ultrasound as follow-up to my surgery last year. It was a routine thing so I didn’t think much about it. I sat in the waiting room, leafing through a copy of Maxim magazine. Kudos to the hospital for finally having a magazine that men might like.

Soon a guy called me in to have my X-ray taken. He told me to remove my shirt and then take various positions in front of a screen. No problem. When he was done, he told me to go back to the waiting room and wait to be called in for the ultra-sound. I went back to my magazine.

Suddenly, I heard a woman’s voice call my name. I looked up and standing there was a woman who could have jumped right off the pages of Maxim. She told me to follow her into the ultrasound room. I was instinctively grooming my hair when she told me to take my shirt off.

I immediately had regrets of a second helping of dinner the night before. As I unbuttoned my shirt, I was wondering how long I could keep my gut sucked in, hoping I could do it until I lay down on the imaging bed. I knew she was on to me when she said, “Mr. Nagasawa, don’t hold your breath until I tell you to.”

I don’t know why men like me think they can suddenly morph their bodies into something more attractive simply by doing that. I think it’s just an instinctive thing from the days of cavemen. Either that or I’m an idiot. Anyway, I was just thankful that my original surgery was above the waist.

Ron’s WEBSITE of the week http://www.facebook.com and search Janell Araki