A Conservative Christmas

Rick Hamada
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Wednesday - December 22, 2010

Dear Santa,

I hope you are well.

I would like the following for this Christmas, please.

Stop this insane rail project here in Honolulu. The Lingle administration recently released an independent financial analysis of the current rail project, and the findings were disturbing. Yes, there were some who blew a gasket when they learned that one of the contributors was found to support buses over trains, but supporters are not addressing the substance of the report. Where is the step-by-step refutation of the findings? Sure, you can shoot the messenger, but what about the message?

Santa, we cannot afford this transportation project that will not alleviate congestion on our roadways at the estimated price tag of $7 billion and more. Maybe you could let us use Donner and Blitzen to begin an aerial commuter sleigh system? It would be more feasible to do that than what’s on the books now.

While we’re talking about transportation, would you please deliver upon Honolulu improved road conditions? I can see why you fly everywhere you go. You know, for years and years we have had to tolerate some of the worst roads in the nation. Potholes, chasms, rough patches and, well, just deplorable conditions have plagued us, seemingly, since King Kamehameha. Please, bestow upon our governmental transportation authorities the wisdom and the will to finally provide drivers a halfway-decent road system. And while we’re chatting about it, toss some of that wherewithal to the taxpayers who are being shafted by the aforementioned governmental agencies. Look, they’re paying for a product and service. If taxpayers received the same quality from a store or vendor, they would-n’t stand for it.

Speaking of stores, would you please urge some of our big-box retailers from pulling a TSA on customers leaving their establishment? OK, I’m not sure if someone has ever been groped trying to leave the store, but it’s still one of the most irritating policies. From the customer standpoint, you choose to spend your hard-earned cash at their place and then, when you are leaving, you are asked to present your “papers” while some officious security officer scans your purchase before allowing you to go on your way. Santa, I can only imagine what you would have to go through if you got your haul at Brand X.

The justification is to prevent loss, thereby keeping costs to consumers down. Fine. But let’s be honest. There is more theft by employees and their friends/family than the everyday customer. Don’t penalize your paying customers while you have to primarily deal with those on your payroll.

Santa, there are so many other things I would appreciate for Christmas this year. True two-party representation in Hawaii, the Warriors to beat Tulsa, to fit into a pair of size 36 pants, serenity and joy for my wife and kids, the elimination of any commercial dealing with performance, regularity or personal hygiene, and a magnum of Veuve Cliquot Rose, to name a few.

At the very least, I wish for people to remember that Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ, the son of God. It’s a day of promise and real hope and an opportunity to give thanks for all our blessings.

Santa, thank you for doing such good work, and give my best to the elves and Mrs. Claus.

Mele Kalikimaka,
Rick Hamada

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