The Cheeky World Of Fashion

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Wednesday - November 16, 2005

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I read something that made me very, very happy the other day.

I read that the waistlines of pants are going up. Finally, the madness ends. I will now be able to buy a pair of pants that don’t sit eight inches below my navel and leave vast parts of my anatomy vulnerable to gawkers. I don’t have to buy blouses that hang down to my knees just to cover up the bare spots. And I will have seams. Beautiful, beautiful seams - pushing in firmly on my tummy instead of the uneasy feeling that I am letting it all hang out.

Women, if you have been frustrated in your trouser search at the mall, you are not alone. And I’m not talking to you size zero cuties who want to show off your belly button piercings. You’ve had your day and you have made the rest of us miserable. No, I’m talking to women like me. Women who want to dress fashionably but who refuse to give up every ounce of dignity to do so. I’m talking to women who want to feel both stylish and secure. What are we supposed to do? Forego shopping? Dig out our ancient jeans? Content ourselves with looking like fashion dinosaurs just because we don’t want to display our less-than-washboard-like abs?

I know I’m not the only one. Women everywhere must share my frustrations - especially all you moms. The final straw for me came a few weeks ago. I was bending over to find something in a kitchen cupboard when my son said gently, “uh, Mom, maybe you should pull up your pants?” oh, the embarrassment! I felt like Sid the Plumber.

This isn’t the only fashion indignity we have put up with for the last couple of years. I’ve caught butterfly sleeves on doorknobs and chandelier earrings in my hair.

The article I read said this season we will have a choice of waist-lines: hipbone, middling and right under the navel. Hallelujah, it’s about time.

But now I have another problem. I am looking at a closetful of pretty floral skirts, which suddenly this season have become hopelessly passé. The look today is ethnic and multi-tiered. I think wistfully back to the boxful of the old cotton skirts that I shipped off to Goodwill not that long ago. They would have been perfect.

Oh well. Time to go shopping again.