An Open And Shut Case

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Wednesday - August 30, 2006

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There’s a phenomenon going on in my house and I can’t figure out why. I seem to be the only person in our household who has the ability to open things. I am also the guardian to make sure things get shut.

I can’t imagine that it has to do with my age, strength or gender.

Everyone in our home has the same facilities and abilities that I do - two hands and a brain. Of course the size and capacity of my brain may be questionable, but I think I draw the unique responsibility of opening and shutting things for the mere fact that I am the dad of the house.

Let’s start with shutting things. No one in our house feels the need to shut the door between our kitchen and garage. That’s even with the knowledge that roaches probably find that to be the easiest access to our “casa.”

It drives me crazy since your hand upon passage through the doorway is on the door and it takes zero additional effort to close it. In addition, I must shut cabinet and bedroom closet doors left open. I shut dresser drawers, and this probably doesn’t count, but I am “shutting” off lights 24/7.

I have a similar problem with opening things. Of course, there’s the kim chee jar, but I also have to open music CDs, DVDs and the clasps on all of my wife’s jewelry. I have to open new bags of mochi crunch, battery compartments of every toy and gadget imaginable.

I guess I’m pretty talented in that sense, kind of the Harry Houdini of domestication. Of course, I do have my own Chinese water torture - the one thing Houdini couldn’t open. That happens to be those darn plastic bags in the grocery store produce section.