Don’t Judge A Judge By His Cover

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Wednesday - October 10, 2007

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In my capacity as publisher of MidWeek, I’ve been asked to do some tough things in the way of assisting our island community and businesses. A couple of weeks ago, I had the toughest so far - I was asked to be a judge for the finals in the Meadow Gold Healthy Baby Contest.

I know, you’re asking, “How hard can that be?” Well, choosing one healthy, good-looking baby out of 50 is like trying to pick which pair of shoes should go with your wife’s outfit. They all look great, but after picking one, she wants to know what was wrong with the rest.

As far as I was concerned, all 50 keiki were winners. You would agree with me, as would all the babies’ parents, relatives and supporters. Still, we were told that there could only be one Healthy Baby 2007. It was going to be difficult at best.

Judges were given rating forms and the child would be paraded on Ala Moana’s Centerstage. We sat directly in front of the stage with the entire crowd of spectators behind us. The problem was that two of us, me and Sen. Will Espero, were sitting in direct, searing sunlight.

I had worn a black shirt that day for the “slimming effect” of dark colors, and had no idea I was going to be a human solar magnet. Before the contest even started, I was sweating as profusely as if I was about to ask the prettiest girl in school to dance. For the record, that would be my wife.

The sweating was actually appropriate, because it showed the parents what a difficult time I was having in choosing one winner. At least I would look like the one judge who was severely conflicted over who to choose, even though I know all the judges were having the same difficult time.

In the end, four runners-up and one winner were selected and the crowd couldn’t have been happier. When I got home, I told my wife how hard the experience was. She was sympathetic until I mentioned that I might be judging a healthy babe contest of another type later this year.

The Miss Hawaii USA contest in December, that is. “Oh, yeah, that one’s going to be real tough,” she said, rolling her eyes.