Getting Carried Away At The Mall

Over the years it has become very apparent what my role is when I go shopping with my wife and kids. I’m the pack mule. Not that being referred to as a mule is a bad thing, especially since I’m a Leilehua grad, home of the Mighty Mules.

But when I go shopping with my clan at the mall, my sole purpose is to carry the shopping bags. When the kids were younger, I was charged with pushing their stroller with shopping bags hanging off the handles. At least I retained some dignity since I looked like a loving father.

The exception being when I had to hold my wife’s purse, in which case you could look like bounty hunter Dog Chapman and still look pretty much like a wienie.

Of course, I have come to be pretty confident in what is manly, so holding my wife’s shopping bag is no big deal. The other week we were at Ala Moana doing some pre-backto- school shopping. While in Macy’s, my wife said she needed some new undergarments.

That was my cue to head to Software, Etc. to check out the games and used DVDs. I bought the John Wayne classic, The Green Berets. I met back up with the wife and our daughter and she handed me her bag which I stuffed into mine. She said they were going to look at shoes.

I said that I was going to go anywhere else. I walked up and down the mall, but it was way hot and so I finally decided to duck into the closest store to catch some air conditioning. I walked in when suddenly the shoplifting alarm went off. I think my DVD wasn’t deactivated.

I had a clerk approach me and ask if he could look into my bag. In one hand he took out my wife’s new panties and in the other he held The Green Berets DVD. Having to state the obvious, I told him the panties were my wife’s and the DVD was mine.

I felt like he didn’t believe me, so I insisted on calling my wife. He said, “Relax man, I’m married too.” As I walked away, I heard my new brother singing, “Fighting soldiers from the sky …”

Ron’s WEBSITE OF THE WEEK

Kate Barnett sent in a site for the celebration of National Underwear Day. This is in conjunction with the National Prostate Cancer Coalition:

www.nationalunderwearday.com

Briefly, NUD is on Aug. 10. Slip your favorite websites over to me at: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

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