I’m Too Sexy For Myself

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Wednesday - February 06, 2008

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This will be a landmark year for me, as in September I will hit the big 5-0. That’s right, 50 years old I will be. Even though I keep telling myself that the 50s are the new 40s, my mirror says that the 50s are the new 80s. I will officially be at my mid-life crisis, provided I live to be 100.

Per my wife, I am happily married. Seriously, I am, as I consider myself to be extremely lucky to be married to a beautiful and intelligent woman who is tolerant of me and my antics. Still, I think men my age want to know that they’re attractive to other women. I know I do.

Once a month, I volunteer to deliver and serve food to the homeless at IHS. It’s a small thing, but I’ve come to really enjoy doing it. Last month was no different, although I needed to rush out as soon as I was finished as I had to stop off at a store to pick something up for my wife.

Anyway, when serving food at IHS, you must don a hair net, a disposable apron and, of course, gloves. This is for sanitation purposes, and it’s kind of like when you had to work in the cafeteria in grade school. We served a nice dinner to an appreciative crowd and, ripping off my apron and gloves, I took off for the store before it closed.

I had to pick up a pair of slippers my wife put on hold for our daughter at Nordstrom Shoes. It was a busy night as the store was full of ladies. I strolled in and it appeared that I was drawing attention from all the women like a Chippendales dancer would strutting on stage.

They whispered to each other while looking at me with seemingly flirting smiles. I was suddenly feeling pretty good about myself when I walked past a mirror and saw that I had the “lunch lady” hair net still on my head.