Living The Generous Life
The family of Joshua and Erika Caldwell, seen here with children (from left) Kory, Ciara and Alora, is named national Navy Family of the Year for its generous volunteer work with Hawaii’s homeless.
By .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
E-mail this story | Print this page | Archive | RSS |
Del.icio.us
|
A couple who grew up poor teaches their children to give. Together, they’re the Navy Family of the Year
A French proverb says “good fortune and bad are equally necessary to man to fit him to meet the contingencies of this life.”
The unknown creator of this ode to the balance of life may, for all practical purposes, have been talking about a Kaneohe family that has seen more than its fair share of difficulties, only to come away from its struggles with better relationships, greater faith and more determination to help those whose struggles continue. It is in this spirit that the National Military Family Association each year honors a family from each branch of the service that, according to its Web site, “embrace their service to the nation, are role models in their community, and understand that together they are stronger.”
This year’s Navy Family of the Year award was presented to Lt. j.g. Joshua Caldwell, a Naval officer stationed at Marine Corps Base Hawaii, Kaneohe Bay. For his family’s efforts both on base and off, the Caldwells were flown to Washington, D.C., recently to meet other outstanding families and to be recognized for their achievements by a who’s who of D.C. powerbrokers and organization sponsors. Caldwell, wife Erika and their children, Kory, Ciara and Alora, got an insider’s look at Washington that included a front-of-the-line White House tour, a tour of the private CIA museum and a meeting with Hawaii’s most senior politician.
“We met with Sen. Inouye and spent about 20 minutes with him,” says Joshua. “Our NMFA guide said she’s never seen anyone get that much time with a senator. He was really, really awesome. We didn’t know what to expect. He just told us stories about being in the military during World War II, and we talked about his wife and kids.”
Even though they were treated like royalty, there were some nervous times.
“We were just overwhelmed. It was just a huge thing. I know I was telling the kids not to touch anything,” says Erika with her ever-present and hearty laugh.
The event became a great bonding moment for the recipients’ families.
“It was neat to see how much in common each family had, and everyone had kids and they all became best friends,” says Joshua. “They were inseparable the whole week. They had pool parties every night and even now they are all on their Facebook pages, texting and everything.”
The NMFA was created in 1969 by military wives who wanted to ensure families would be looked after by the federal government following a servicemember’s death. Since its creation, the group has grown to support all military members and has successfully lobbied for benefits large and small - from providing reimbursement for damaged furniture during frequent moves and increases in housing allowances to the Survivor Benefit Plan and the Military Child Care Act.
For the Caldwells, the award is an exciting and uncomfortable honor. Both parents agree they were uncertain about sending in the application and have since grappled with the resulting publicity. The application process is a bit intrusive and self-congratulatory as it asks each applicant to describe what makes their family so special. Ultimately, Joshua figured the award process would at least give him the chance to publicly boast about his wife and children and, even more important, to hopefully inspire others to get involved. To say the least, theirs is an inspiring story.
|
The Caldwells’incredible journey began when Joshua and Erika met as high school sweethearts in Alamogordo, N.M. The pair was immediately inseparable. At the time, the 17-year-old future submariner and P-3 Orion flight officer was a disinterested high school student failing nearly all his classes. Erika was a fun-loving honor student who was living in a foster home and toting a painful secret - she had been physically and emotionally abused by her mother and stepfather.
“I took myself into my counselor’s office in high school and told them I needed help with my family because it is going down fast,” says Erika. She said her mother battled drug addiction and bad relationships for years, and that caused a rift between the two.
“Although I was dotting the I’s and crossing the T’s, I don’t think I had respect for her, and so she was feeling that. Now, as a mother of teenagers, I see what was wrong with my behavior, and we were just butting heads. And then the physical abuse started. I think she was working with the small tools she had from growing up and I started to hit back.”
Even though he had little interest in education and she was dealing with a shattered home life, the two got married at 17. Erika quickly became pregnant but lost the child. A few years later they would lose a second. The two remained in high school for a short time before dropping out - she just three months before graduation.
“I don’t think either of us were prepared for life. We met and made a bad situation even more unreliable and unstable. We were two people who had no idea of what the world is about or how to take care of ourselves, and tried to start a family. We did ourselves a disservice and paid for it,” says Joshua, who now credits their early struggles for the life they have today. “I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I think what makes our lives now so exciting and neat is to have traveled though those things and survived.”
After their initial failure to become parents, Erika, at the age of 18, gave birth to son Kory. It was anything but an easy pregnancy. She went into premature labor. Doctors were able to delay the birth for more than a month, but with each day came difficult news. “Every day they were telling us that if the baby is born today the lungs are too sticky to even breathe,” says Joshua who, lacking funds, slept under his wife’s bed in the ICU. Kory was born small but healthy. It turned out to be a pattern - each of their three children was born premature.
After living in a single-wide trailer that had been divided into three even tinier apartments, Joshua made the decision to enlist.
“We were really just broke and didn’t have insurance. I was pushing carts at Walmart, I worked at McDonald’s, Subway. We couldn’t live the way we were. I didn’t have any skills with which I could market myself,” says Joshua before Erika finishes his thought - a common occurrence.
“He just recognized a dead end quickly, and when you have a little one, it’s a lot more than you two,” she says. “That ‘we can make it on love’kind of thing just doesn’t work when the child needs diapers and formula and things like that.”
Since he didn’t have a high school diploma, Joshua needed a waiver to enlist. He entered the submarine force with the understanding that he would get his GED while serving. The decision may have saved his wife’s life. At the age of 23, Erika, now a mother of three, was diagnosed with a brain tumor after temporarily losing vision in her left eye. As they had done in the past, they used humor to get themselves through the rough spots.
“He said, ‘I told you it was all in your head,’” says Erika with a laugh, recalling her husband’s dark joke. “The doctors thought we were in denial, but it was acceptance with humor.”
Tests showed the tumor was growing very slowly, but surgery was ruled out because of the danger involved. The tumor was located near the brain’s language center and it was determined that even a biopsy could destroy her ability to communicate. It was decided to monitor the tumor and hope for the best. Joshua was trans-
Page 1 of 2 pages for this story 1 2 >
E-mail this story | Print this page | Comments (0) | Archive | RSS
Most Recent Comment(s):
