When There’s A Monster In The House
Led by two men who know what it’s like to have an ice addict in the family, the Rotary Club of Honolulu develops an innovative program to assist the ohana of addicts
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David Bellino is the director of Rotary’s
Families In Crisis program
and think the answer is in putting people in jail, then taxpayers can expect to pay a lot more.
“We have a wonderful community,” the judge says, “and people do respond when they understand the problem. Unfortunately, people don’t see or hear a problem until it touches them directly.”
But Browning is hopeful, saying, “Small acts of love and grace equate to great victory.”
Clearly, the victory is preservation of lives, both the addict’s and his loved ones. As Palmer describes it, addiction is shrouded in shame. Parents end up being totally overwhelmed. Yet, he says, “You can’t be the victim and feel sorry for yourself and blame yourself for the situation.
“How can you help others if you don’t help yourself? The addict is not focused on the people who are being affected by his or her behavior. They don’t see your pain and frankly don’t care. Parents often ask, ‘What can I do with this monster in my house?’”
At Families in Crisis meetings, participants offer solutions, drawing upon their own experiences. But they say it’s important not to demonize addicts.
Richard Hunter’s son is a recovering
ice addict
Parents learn that addiction is a disease. Like diabetes or asthma, it requires lifelong treatment and personal management. Like any other disease, the cause could be genetic, environmental or psychological.
Families in Crisis helps friends and family retrieve their own lives from the feelings of frustration, isolation and shame associated with addiction. The program is free and open to anyone has an addicted family member.
Hina Mauka’s Anderson says, “Parents might be powerless over the disease, but we can help them to make appropriate choices in re-establishing a healthier home environment.”
Most important, he says, “You don’t have to go it alone.”
But it’s hard to ignore the drama of it all, as it affects the community and individual families.
“Ice is the biggest drug problem we’ve seen in the history of our state,” says U.S. Attorney Ed Kubo. “And we’re just beginning to realize the potential economic damage it can create.”
If ice were a legitimate business, according to Star-Bulletin reports, it would rank among Hawaii’s largest corporations. Conservative estimates place the number of hard-core ice addicts in Hawaii at about 8,100, and the typical addict smokes between $50 and $170 worth of ice a day.
That means the local crystal meth addicts use about $150 million worth of the stuff a year. A broader view by local law enforcement officials such as Kubo puts Hawaii’s problem at $1 billion a year.
The average Hawaii user is 33 years old and has been addicted for 11.5 years, compared with 7.54 years on the Mainland, according to treatment counselors.
The average Hawaii user started using at age 21. It soon becomes a way of life, like drinking coffee.
For some addicts, crystal meth use is an escape mechanism. Counselors say, “We take away their coping drug and just send them back into the community where the same problems exists.”
A survey conducted by the Governor’s Office listed domestic violence and the breakdown of families as the No. 1 problem created by drug abuse. Rotary’s Families in Crisis program wants to address the gap in treatment and recovery programs. Focusing merely on the addict is not enough.
The benefit of working with family members is supported by their own accounts.
One woman says, “The only thing harder than watching my son kill himself with drugs is finding out that I am killing us both by trying to save him. I’ve learned how to support my son instead of enabling him.”
Attendees learn that: * Drug addiction is a preventable disease.
* Drug addiction is a treatable disease.
* Addiction is a brain disease expressed as compulsive behavior.
* A major task for treatment is changing the brain back.
They also learn some dos and don’ts, such as:
* DO learn the facts about alcohol and chemical dependency.
* DO develop an attitude to match the facts.
* DO take a personal inventory of yourself.
* DO maintain a healthy atmosphere in your home.
* DON’T preach and lecture to an addict.
* DON’T hide the addict’s liquor or drugs.
* DON’T make threats you won’t carry out.
Allen Palmer also knows what it’s like to have
an addict in the house
Rotarian Hunter recalls a woman he met at an Al-Anon meeting for parents. She describes the mental process as: “I have a meeting going on in my head, and I need to change the agenda.”
It’s not an easy course to change, considering the all-consuming, stressful state that families go through in dealing with an addict. “They don’t think they’re addicts,” Hunter says. “They find all the reasons to believe they’re not addicts. It’s a big problem of denial.”
In straight-forward candor, Hunter continues, “Addicts are either going to die or they’re going to get off of it. You want to make the time period between starting (the drug use) and deciding to get off it as short as possible.
“If you protect them, you increase the chances of them killing themselves. If you let them suffer the consequences of their actions, they will more quickly decide that is not what they want to do. Basic parental instincts are harmful to the recovery process.”
“So I am convinced that parents must learn how the disease of addiction works and how to live their own lives, or their lives will become broken as well. This is not being selfish. You can only realize this by sharing experiences with other parents. It is extraordinarily valuable.”
Where did we go wrong? It’s the first question parents have at these meetings. For the state of Hawaii, the ice problem is said to have begun some 20 years ago and has grown because no one paid attention to it. That has contributed to Hawaii having one of the highest rates of ice use in the United States.
The plea for help is resonating at all levels of our society. Rotary is answering the call.
Can you hear them now?
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